5 Helpful Things to Know About Neurodivergent Boundaries

What Are Neurodivergent Boundaries?

Boundaries are simply the personal limits you set to protect yourself.

They help you feel safe, protected, and taken care of.

They can help you manage your limited (!) energy and focus.

I know for myself, I have just a veeeeeeeeeeeeery small window of time each day.

I try to protect it as best I can, like a cat does its tuna.

Think of boundaries as your personal shield.

They also protect you from the things (ahem, people) that drain you most.

Except, you know, the unavoidable realities like remembering to set out your trash can on time.

Seriously, why is that so freaking hard?

There are different types of boundaries:

Physical boundaries relate to your personal space and touch.

Mental boundaries protect your thought processes and help you manage information overload.

Emotional boundaries shield you from emotional exhaustion.

Sensory boundaries help you manage input – like grating noise, gnarly visuals, or disgusting tastes.

Your boundaries are unique to you.

They don't have to look like anyone else's.

What works for one person might be totally absurd for you.

Neurodivergent boundaries, then, simply take into account the full totality of you.

What makes you, you?

Actually acknowledging those parts of yourself.

The parts that you've been told are too much, not good enough, too weird… you know?

(Don't listen to those people, or that inner critic of yours!)

So, this is about you, and only you.

The key is listening to your body and mind and figuring out what YOU need to feel safe and comfortable.

Neurodivergent Boundaries in Action

Let's look at how boundaries might work in your daily life as a teacher.

Maybe you're an elementary teacher who doesn't want to be hugged a lot.

Maybe you didn't know this was a prerequisite to succeed in this career.

Instead of hugs, you might offer waves (physical boundary).

Or maybe you know you can't stomach small talk near the laminator, so you deliberately avoid it during the busiest times (mental/emotional boundary).

Here are some other examples that might resonate:

Communication boundaries: Deciding when you'll check your email instead of being available 24/7.

Letting your families know you're off the clock at whatever time you choose.

Setting clear expectations about when people can expect responses from you.

Energy boundaries: Actually taking those breaks during the day.

Limiting social interaction when you're running on empty. Or when you just don't want to.

As someone once said, ‘no' is a complete sentence.

You don't need to elaborate!

Why Are Boundaries So Hard in School Settings?

Let's be honest – schools usually aren't designed with neurodivergent brains in mind.

Not for students, and definitely not for teachers.

The assembly line attempting to create identical products doesn't lend itself well to education.

And yet, here we are.

Here we are, friend.

What's more, many of us never learned about boundaries growing up.

We didn't see them modeled, and we sure didn't know how to set them.

We've spent years trying to push our wants and needs to the side.

Society, friends, parents, guardians let us know they were silly.

Or tried to make you feel better by micro-agressing your legit need to be facing away from the light.

Combine this with working in an intense, high-stakes job, and you've got a real situation on your hands.

This is why the non-stop demands of a school environment can quickly lead to overstimulation and shutdown.

No wonder so many of us end up burned out.

I'm still pulling out of my burnout. I think it is a long process for a lot of us.

What about you?

Boundaries Are Not Selfish

Despite what you may have been led to believe, boundaries aren't selfish.

They're about self-preservation.

Firm, realistic boundaries actually help you function better and be more effective.

They also let people directly know directly what to expect from you.

And when you respect and maintain those lines you're drawing, that's when you earn trust.

This benefits everyone around you, especially your students.

Whether it's something seemingly minor like the type of milk you want in your morning brew.

Or a high-pressure interview for a new job.

There are so many situations in life where we need boundaries.

Yet, what do we do if we communicate them and other people don't respect them?

When Others Don't Respect Your Boundaries

It's tough when people don't understand or respect your boundaries.

But you can still protect yourself.

Try these approaches:

Clearly explain your needs in simple terms.

No apologies needed.

Repeat your boundary as often as necessary.

Sometimes people need to hear things multiple times.

Follow through with consequences, like limiting your interaction with those who repeatedly cross your lines.

Find support from colleagues or supervisors who get it.

It's totally okay to feel frustrated or uncomfortable.

Be kind to yourself through this process.

If you're looking for a way to visualize your goals and boundaries, you might want to check out my post on Canva vision boards!

What's Coming Up in This Series

As we continue this journey, I'll be covering:

More real-world examples of healthy boundaries for neurodivergent teachers

Setting boundaries in different school contexts (with students, parents, colleagues, and administrators)

Dealing with resistance to your boundaries

Why self-advocacy matters and how to do it effectively

Your Turn: Reflect and Take Action

What's one boundary you want to set for yourself this week?

I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

Remember: You are allowed to have boundaries.

You are allowed to say no.

You don't have to earn the right to be in a room, to speak, or to rest.

Start exploring what YOUR neurodivergent boundaries look like today.