How-to Guide to Setting Time and Energy Boundaries at Work

Draw the Line: Does the thought of even defining the word ‘boundary' start to make you uncomfortable? If so, it might be time to re-examine them, especially as a neurodivergent person. By the end of this post, you will have new tools and ideas to add to your toolkit.

How-to Guide to Setting Time and Energy Boundaries at Work

Boundary setting is one of those topics that most of us have heard of, but haven't necessarily fully embraced or incorporated.

For a lot of folks, it's not until someone starts actively learning how to set them, that they can claim their space and happiness.

Neurodivergent adults with ADHD, autism, or SPD, may struggle more than others in setting and holding boundaries.

Educators, in particular, are often in a position where those lines get messy. This can lead to increased emotional stress, frustration, and shame.

This blog offers educational content; not medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personal mental health concerns.

Understanding the Need for Boundaries

In the book titled Not Nice Book written by Dr. Aziz mentions boundaries as determining “Where you end, and I begin” (A. Katherine).

People with ADHD, for example, often struggle with perfectionism. We use it as a coping mechanism for dealing with the intense hurt experienced in the past.

We add pressure to mundane tasks like replying to to a friendly parent's email to the point that we experience what Dr. Michael Felt recently called ‘PIP.' In this case it stands for “Pressure Induced Procrastination.”

When teachers work full days and then return home only to continue grading every night and weekend, it is understandable that many would eventually burn out.

In order to keep up with societal or administration expectations, you don't stop until you are too sick to go to work. (And then you get to deal with sub plans!)

The cliché of putting your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others, really does apply here.

The question is how to determine where to focus those energies, particularly if you are someone who has experienced trauma and a subsequent strong need to please others.

Identifying Your Priorities

Folks in countries outside of the US, like France, view work as something that needs to be done in order to have a good life (i.e., working to live).

Here in the US, however, for a variety of valid reasons, we have it flipped.

Living to work, including putting your job title at the center of your identity, puts more importance on it than what's required.

Teachers, who are among the most intelligent, passionate, naturally driven people, often identify so much with their job that it takes on this added meaning.

Teachers juggle heavy summer training expectations, lesson prep for various formats, and lack of recognition, creating an unsustainable workload.

This job is tough to manage long-term due to the overwhelming tasks and minimal appreciation.

Setting Time Boundaries

How do you acknowledge yourself in the midst of unrealistic demands? One way is by setting limits on your time.

I knew some teachers, for example, who became skilled at only doing work during working hours.

For anyone outside of education, that may sound super obvious. But for teachers, it honestly feels revolutionary.

The ability to stop working at the end of your contracted school day hours can help prevent burnout.

The trouble is, there is not enough time during the actual work day to do all of the other tasks teachers must do consistently in order to fall behind.

If stopping earlier, not working nights and weekends, feels too challenging, consider saying ‘no' to extra commitments.

For example, do you really ‘have to' join the social committee? Especially if it's something you don't even enjoy, why not let it go?

This is all easier said than done. However, it is the way to begin setting gentle limits, to protect and care for mind, body, and spirit.

Setting Energy Boundaries

Setting boundaries on what we expend our precious energy on is another way to set practical limits.

For example, let's consider classroom management.

Say you have a reading log or practice record which is supposed to be filled out daily by the student, and signed weekly by the parent or guardian.

If 80% of your class chronically forgets to return the log, consider modifying this requirement or letting it go altogether.

What if, instead of stressing over collecting the records, you give the students time to tell the class what they learned.

Any chance you as the teacher get to step back, sit down, take a drink of water, and stretch your tired muscles, is a golden opportunity.

Communicating Your Boundaries

In the example of stopping work at the end of contract hours, consider discussing this with your teammates.

If you gain leverage by having a group of folks who feel similarly, you can have more swaying power in your discussions with higher leadership.

Another idea is, if you didn't want to get rid of the reading log requirement, communicate with your families first.

If texting is the way they read messages, ask your school about using a program like Blackboard to send out a ‘blast.'

Let them know that you want to keep the log because it instills responsibility in the students; but that currently only 80% are returning them on a consistent basis.

Let them know that you will make a final decision after the next two weeks' worth of logs are collected.

Mark your verbal commitments like ‘letting them know,' on your phone calendar and set a reminder to make sure you follow through.

After two weeks, if nothing has changed, clearly communicate that the logs are no longer going to be included in grades.

Overcoming Obstacles

Dealing with our own guilt, shame, and insecurities, is part and parcel with setting boundaries.

When we tell our teammates that we can only work until 4 pm on Fridays because we want to get to family movie night on time, it's natural to have uncomfortable feelings surface.

Instead of pushing them down or ignoring them, you can make mental room for them. Set aside five minutes every now and then to sit with the discomfort of including your needs.

If the guilt becomes too much to handle on your own, definitely reach out to a licensed therapist.

Teachers with neurodivergent brains, do your research and try to find someone who understands adult ADHD.

(What you don't need is someone else in your life suggesting you buy a planner!)

FAQs

How do I balance work and personal life?

Balancing work and personal life involves establishing clear boundaries and honoring any resulting emotions.

Use tools like calendars and to-do lists to separate work tasks from personal activities.

If you are neurodivergent, keep trying new calendars until you find something that clicks. Be ready to tweak it later when you get bored of it.

On the Tiimo app, you can create different profiles for yourself. I used to have one for my teaching day, and one for home.

What if my colleagues or superiors don't respect my boundaries?

Of course, there is a learning curve for others who may be impacted by your new assertiveness.

If you feel like having firm limits is not being well-received, however, make note of this.

Give yourself a certain amount of time to decide the next course of action. It is okay, for example, to give yourself permission to change careers.

Again, seek the support of a licensed mental health specialist for help.

If you have ADHD, autism, SPD, or other neurodivergence (ND), try to find someone who understands your brain.

That way you can avoid receiving extra judgment, which is not helpful.

How can I avoid overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed?

Make a list of all the things you do on a daily basis. Now look at the items and decide which of them are ones you truly enjoy doing.

If the vast majority of what you do on a daily basis is not a preferred task, it's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed.

Begin by noticing your body, your energy, when doing mundane tasks. Pick one and decide if you could either tweak it or let it go. Go from there.

For example, let's say that after work you pick up the kids, head home, make dinner, unload the dishwasher, and make the next day's lunches.

Would it be possible for a family member to help unload the dishwasher?

Even if your kids are little, if they work with an older kid or another adult, they can usually get involved. (Just make sure they don't have fragile or sharp items.)

The goal is to keep your own preferences included in your daily mix! You are important and deserve to be factored into the equation.

The time and energy you gain by making these adjustments will improve all aspects of your life, including work.

What if I struggle with consistency in maintaining boundaries?

For those of us with neurodivergent brains, consistency is a pretty heavy concept. So instead of that, try to find an accountability group or partner.

Tell them that you will report back to them every Monday at 12 pm on how your dishwasher boundary went. Having that extra set of eyes and ears is often enough to keep us in the game.

Takeaways

Setting boundaries is crucial for anyone, but especially educators with ADHD, autism, or sensory differences.

As you get more comfortable asserting your needs, you'll see positive changes in both work and personal life. Stay committed to these practices as they bring valuable benefits.

Consider joining an accountability group or seeking help from a therapist familiar with ADHD.

For more tips on managing daily challenges as a neurodivergent teacher, read the Key Neurodivergent Teachers' Guide to Managing Daily Challenges round-up!